Guitar Hero

The title refers to The Grumpster, who treated us all to a Playstation 3 recently. I have kept away from this new gadget as much as possible, prefering to nerd away with my new, now-functioning mobile phone. However, there is no escaping the noise from this new addition, it's driving me mad!

The first is the noise of ripples of applause, the swipe of stick on ball and a whispering commentator. A golf game in other words. It's rather pleasant to observe but I can only imagine that it is boring to play. There is one facility on it however which caught my fancy, one which allows the player to create their own image for the on-screen player,a  facility which forces the player to think in great depth about their appearance. On the screen is a series of breakdowns of a poor guy's face (don't know why I'm saying poor guy as it's Tiger Woods-read as rich man if you like!) into it's constituent parts, nose, brows, mouth chin etc. By clicking on any one of these, you are able to create on a 'dummy' face your likeness. For the first time, men (the prime audience for the game as only men have time to play for hours on end) are being forced to really think about their appearance, something which their female counterparts are miserably programmed to analyse about themselves on a daily basis. What fun! Throughout the process, The Grumpster was analysed, picked apart, stretched, fuzzed/defuzzzed and subjected to a series of tans and fades until we agreed the best likeness. It even had his hairstyle. It has been commented upon that the picture looks like a fugitive with mad staring eyes but when you eye The Grumpster up closely.... 

The second game on this machine is interesting. The Grumpster has been wandering around some hot jungle armed with various implements designed to end the lives of jungle baddies. These are convieniently dressed in grey from head to toe so that The Grumpster will have no trouble spotting them. They also shout at him when they have seen him, even when their jungle-unfriendly costume hasn't alerted him to their presence, allowing him to pick them off easily before stealing items of theirs which he deems useful and wandering off to find their endlessly appearing comrades. I know it's only a game but I get very cross with him when he walks over their dead bodies. He should have some respect. He has a buddy in this game, who follows him around like a child and talks to him in an urgent voice but seems to serve very little purpose. Neither of them appear to be killable which is nice as The Grumpster gets to play for as long as he fancies but it worries me that it is not ideal preparation for a situation in which The Grumpster gets lost in a similar environment in the real world with a subservient friend and an enemy who despite having been issued a stupid uniform (clearly British forces-why are they the enemy?) are likely to be better trained than him.

And then there's Guitar Hero. The Grumpster and his mini-me's are learning to share by taking turns to stand in full view of the lounge window with a small, Early Learning-sized guitar strapped to their chest, following a set routine to music. Sort of. Gone are chords and strings, replaced by coloured buttons on the fret and a big clicky-flap thing. The idea is you travel along a conveyor-belt of guitar frets on the TV screen pressing the coloured buttons on your 'guitar' as they flash past you whilst strumming this flappy job, in time to guitar classics such as Knights of Cydonia and School's out for Summer. Music it is not, however I have to say it is the game which gives me the greatest pleasure. Not that I play it, I played the guitar when I was a teenager and I can honestly say this game bears no relation to the real thing whatsoever but watching The Grumpster is an absolute delight! He attempts to maintain a nonplussed expression on his face but his determination to 'Rock' is there for all to see. Without even looking at the TV screen I am able to track the peaks and troughs of difficulty by the amount of tongue protruding from the corner of his mouth, I can sense a missed note with each frustrated grimace, but best of all is the 'I know it's sad but I can't help it' expression which is extracted with nothing more than a well-timed snigger from myself. On a romantic note though, last week, after 'unlocking' a new song by playing the 'career' mode (the worst career he has ever had as he gets paid in songs) he turned to the rest of us (I'm sure he winked) and said 'this one's for you Luce'. Swoon.

He's been on Amazon looking at other games as well. He wants to invite me into the lounge (I am now an outcast) to join the PS gang, and knowing my prowess at singing, has had a good look at Singstar for me. I might be tempted, there is no equipment required other than a microphone and it requires no coordination to play, you just have to sing in time and tune, a doddle for me, and it would be the only game I could beat him at every time. Strange he hasn't bought it yet! I must just add that I've never seen a cricket game for the PS-I'd be good at that too -well, the bits where thay break for tea anyway. My lounge pass will undoubtedly expire on a permanent basis the moment he comes through the door with a F1 game-it will happen soon I am sure and I can already hear his reasoning  'well I thought it might keep the boys happy...'

Well, this year I am doing my honours course for my OU degree, and have had a successful afternoon study-dodging, for that my followers three, I thank you!
Lucy. :-)